4 Steps to Overcoming Low Self Esteem and Boosting Confidence
Have you ever felt like you aren't enough?
That if you could just be a little smarter, 10lbs lighter, funnier and more popular that your life would be different?
If, like me, you have ever second guessed yourself, felt like an impostor, held yourself back or sabotaged yourself its probably because you don’t feel very good about yourself.
Someone once asked me “Sarah, what would you do with all the time that you worry about yourself and your body?”
That was a profound moment for me. I started to realise how much of my time I spent worrying about what I ate, how much I exercised and what I looked like. I thought that if I achieved that goal, I would achieve happiness. What I realised at that point was that I already had everything I wanted and I was still worrying about these things.
When many of us think about confidence we think it’s something we are born with. This is definitely not the case.
Confidence is a skill we need to repeat in order to build upon and make it stronger.
I know exactly how it feels when you say to yourself “I'm not good enough, I need to lose 10 lbs, no one will ever like me, what does s/he see in me?”
Here are my top 5 tips to overcome low self esteem and build your confidence:
1. Positive Self Talk
Affirmations are a great way to reinforce positive self talk. For example, I like to use some before big meetings to give me a boost in confidence such as “I can do this” or “I am a strong intelligent woman and I have the right to be heard.”
If you are suffering from low self esteem it's really important that you use affirmations that are believable. If you don’t believe what you are saying, your mind will just reject it and you will end up feeling worse. They should reinforce what you are already good at AND what makes you feel good!
2. Self Compassion is Key
How we talk to ourselves matters. You wouldn’t tell a 5 year old she’s not good enough or she needs to lose 10lbs, so why would you say it to yourself? The self criticism we often show ourselves can be quite harmful so speaking to ourselves with the same kindness and compassion we would a child or a friend is really key.
3. Practice Gratitude
Happiness is found is the smallest of gestures and the most fleeting moments. As humans we are wired to think about the negative things that have happened and put ourselves down rather than feeling grateful for the good things (and sometimes not so good if we can learn from them) that happen.
4. Build your Confidence Muscle
Confidence is a skill that needs to be built upon. We are all confident in some areas and less in others but it’s a skill that needs to be repeated in order to get better at. I challenge you to step outside of your comfort zone and build on your confidence skills with little more compassionate steps.
You might not notice the difference straight away but bit by bit you will start to see a shift in the things that once may have scared you.
The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. It is not self indulgent, conceited or selfish to show yourself compassion and kindness, in fact, it is imperative!
If you want to learn more our podcast with Sarah Doyle “Becoming Your Own Best Friend“ is available NOW!
If you want to learn more, our podcast with Sarah Doyle “Becoming Your Own Best Friend” is available now.
Sarah Doyle is a life coach, author, TEDx speaker and the founder of the The Better Life Project, her life coaching business. She works with women and men all over the world to help them achieve their personal and professional goals whilst developing their confidence and self esteem.
She has won business awards, appeared on national radio stations and newspapers including Spin 103.8fm, The Irish Times, The Herald, written and contributed to The42.ie, Exquisite.ie, A Lust For Life, Stellar, U and Irish Country Magazine.